My mother is trying to use my insurance as a bargaining chip

I am Trans, and I just legally changed my name. I have updated everyone, and am struggling to update my insurance. I have federal Blue cross blue shield in wisonsin, through my retired mother. The insurance refused to update my name, stating only my mother could make that change as she is the policy holder. They also refused to call me by my name and pronouns, stating they “had to” use the ones on file. I tried to contact my mother, but she has said that unless I give her specific details about my life and have her involved again, she will not update my name. All other identifying paper work has been updated to my new name, I do not have anything to show a doctor to prove that I have insurance, except the name change paperwork, but my old name is no longer assigned to me in any government database, not social security or the dmv or any where else. If I go to the doctor now, I cannot prove that I have insurance. What can I do? I have state insurance as well, but my mother’s insurance is my primary, and I have been told that I must use that first, but now I can’t access it. Is there anything I can do?